Don’t look for better halfs

The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship comes down to two things: 

1.- how well each person in the relationship accepts responsibility

2.- the willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner

On an unhealthy relationship, the person is either taking responsibility for problems/ emotions that are not theirs, or demanding that someone else take responsibility for their problems/emotions. 

Either they accept their problems and want to solve other’s problems so they can be the «saviours» (they must fix others’ problems in order to deserve attention and affection) or never taking the responsibility and entitle another person so they can still be «victims» (creates problems to solve to gett attention and affection). In both cases, the intentions are selfish and conditional and therefore self-sabotaging, and genuine love is rarely experienced.

Victinms and savers both use each other to achieve emotional highs.  

Entitled people adopt these strategies in their relationships, as with everything, to help avoid accepting responsibility for their own problems. As a result, their relationships are fragile and fake, products of avoioding  that won’t make you happy. You can’t solve other’s problems for them either, because that likewise won’t make them happy. The mark of an unhealthy relationship is 2 people who try to solve each other’s problems in order to feel good about themselves. Rather, a healthy relationship is when 2 people solve their own problems in order to feel good about each other. 

Support is not something your have to or are entitled to do it, but because there are boundaries. We decide to put those boundaries because we love ourselves and love the other, there is unconditional love. There must be conflict to set the boundaries, without conflict there is no trust. Conflict exists to show us who is there for us unconditionally and is there just for benefits.

A proof of love is taking responsibility for your own problems and not holding your partner responsible for them. 

«It’s not about giving a fuck about everything your partner gives a fuck about; it’s about giving a fuck about your partner regardless of the fucks he or she gives.»