Bullying made me who I am

Since I was little I have suffered from bullying. 6 years of my life from 6 years to 12 years of age I grew thinking I wasn’t useful because everybody seemed to be annoyed by my presence. Death was a solution if I was such a burden and an obstacle for others, perhaps I was not meant to be here in this world.

I tried to be friendly, sociable and even pretended to be somebody else to be liked, but I always ended up ruining it because there was I again wanting, needing and expecting things from my “good behavior”. I couldn’t live in this society anymore, I felt nobody liked me the way I wanted them to like me. Perhaps that was my problem: I took myself too seriously.

Time passed by and the knowledge of myself was being held and so most of my time I imagined different scenarios or thinking what it would be like to be somebody else… that life was better than this. Obviously.

My mom saw my feelings and decided to stop this abuse and helped me rebuild my self-esteem. She showed me other people’s reality in a school filled with children with other great capabilities that helped me also to know myself and my worth. Later, I took refuge in studies and skills that now I have and I didn’t know I had them. I was a nerd, I knew things and got things done better than the rest of my group in class. I learned that it wasn’t something to be ashamed of but an advantage. Now all grown-up I have so much experience and so many qualities that help me go on in life. I know who I am and how I feel. I decide who is my friend and who is not. I don’t judge myself if something is wrong because I learned to be aware to always give my best in whatever I do, perhaps I still make mistakes but I know that I don’t need to insult myself to explain it.

Being a philosophical counselor allows me to help others to stop bullying themselves and stop pretending to be perfect. I learned that thanks to the people that judged me and tormented me for so long, now I am capable to choose who I help instead of destroying (now that I know I can) but still I choose not to because they are already violent against themselves. My family stopped suffering for the pain I had, they showed me that love is unconditional and that they will always be there for me if I shared myself to them. They don’t judge and whatever happens to me they will also suffer it.